Learn how to Push Your Hidden Buttons For Happiness

Pushing any individual’s buttons normally means to do particular issues to anger them. However are there additionally buttons to push for happiness?

Sure, there are, and people pleased buttons are typically hidden within the mind. Should you contain your companion in your quest to search out these hidden pleased buttons, your relationship along with your companion can deepen and also you’ll get nearer.

Right here’s my very own instance:

As I used to be making ready to go to my then 93-year-old mom in France and keep along with her for the required three weeks, I began getting increasingly anxious, agitated, and depressed. My life was actually in California with my fantastic husband in our pleasant home doing the job and actions I cherished. The considered leaving my husband for 3 weeks was unbearably painful.

But, it was my obligation to go to my mom twice a yr. I used to be an solely youngster and my father had died 20 years earlier than from most cancers. I had promised my dad to maintain my mom pleased, however the fact was that three weeks was an excessive amount of for me. I used to be pleased to go to for 2 or three days, however past three days with my mother in my childhood home, city, and nation, visiting was extraordinarily troublesome and painful. Life in France wasn’t my life anymore. It was my mom’s life and he or she insisted that, to make her pleased, I keep along with her. Three weeks was the intense minimal for her.

Two weeks earlier than my deliberate departure for France, I began getting depressed and I might really feel myself spiraling down much more than in earlier years. I used to be dreading my journey.

My husband, sensing that I wasn’t my common cheerful self, requested if I used to be okay.

My decisions had been to both inform my husband to not fear, that I had all the pieces below management, or to speak in confidence to him and ask for his assist. Up to now, I’d have chosen to inform him that I had all the pieces below management, however this time I selected to take the chance of displaying my vulnerability and requested for assist.

I defined my spiraling down and requested: “I do know there’s a swap in my head I can flip to be my pleased self once more, however I don’t know discover that swap. Are you able to assist me discover it?”

Collectively, we started brainstorming. The brainstorming felt fantastic and made us nearer. It was precisely what I wanted (in need of canceling my journey). I wasn’t alone anymore. We brainstormed about remodel a visit I dreaded into a visit I’d look ahead to. It concerned discovering the swap to vary my perspective. That was a troublesome process, however I intuitively knew it was potential.

My husband urged that I might discover a new exercise, like studying a brand new language, singing or dancing, something new that I’d get pleasure from doing in France throughout my mom’s nap within the afternoon or within the evenings after she went to mattress. Nothing actually clicked in my head, so we continued brainstorming.

All of a sudden, one thing clicked once we talked about taking a unique perspective for my go to: Taking the perspective of projecting myself 20 years into the longer term when my mom wouldn’t be on this earth anymore and imagining having the chance to return again one final time to spend three weeks along with her. That was the swap, and I might really feel the connections in my mind getting enthusiastic about that concept.

And that’s what I did. I went to France that point and all the next occasions imagining I used to be coming again to France a few years after my mom’s demise.

Due to that completely different perspective, I used to be in a position to totally respect the three weeks I spent with my mother. The previous few occasions, I additionally used my husband’s different suggestion of doing a brand new pleasurable exercise (I took dance lessons) within the evenings after my mom went to mattress.

What I used is known as categorical notion.

What’s categorical notion?

Categorical notion describes the truth that our mind places issues in several classes as a result of our mind can solely deal with one class at a time. Relying on the class our mind chooses to put an issue, our angle in direction of the issue will likely be completely different.

An instance is the well-known ambiguous image of the spouse and the mother-in-law, which first appeared on an 1888 German postcard.

Supply: W. E. Hill, Public area, by way of Wikimedia Commons

Whenever you have a look at the above image, you possibly can both see the image of a wonderful younger girl (the oval circle within the center being interpreted as her ear) or the image of a not-so-beautiful older girl (the oval circle within the center being interpreted as her eye). You possibly can both see one or the opposite, however not each on the similar time.

In case your categorical notion tells you to see a wonderful younger girl, you’ll really feel a very completely different feeling than in case you see the not-so-beautiful older girl. What you see, what you are feeling, and what you do will depend on the way you categorize the image.

We are able to do the identical factor in most conditions. The identical scenario will be seen from a damaging angle, triggering nervousness or melancholy, or from a constructive angle, triggering pleased emotions. Will probably be a unique emotional notion relying on which class you place the scenario.

Of their superior assessment printed in WIREs Cognitive Science, Gladstone and Hendrickson examine the affect of categorical notion in each speech and visible entities and conclude that “individuals set up their world into classes that, in flip, alter the looks of this perceived world.”

However our temper can even affect by which class we place the scenario. Analysis finished by Liu and Colleagues, printed in Psychiatry Analysis exhibits that depressed individuals have a perceptual bias in direction of disagreeable facial expressions versus nice facial expressions in comparison with wholesome controls.

So, the important thing to discovering our pleased buttons is to search out causes to have a look at issues in a constructive angle in what I name “pushing the constructive swap,” which is less complicated if finished earlier than spiraling far down and getting too depressed.


Asking for assist and brainstorming along with your companion early on to discover a constructive angle to the scenario and to push your constructive pleased button could make you and your companion nearer whereas making your companion really feel actively engaged and helpful. These pleased buttons will be deeply hidden, however as soon as discovered can cease your spiraling down and begin your spiraling again up.

The facility of our mind is greater than we predict it’s and will be even stronger once we are in a deep, safe, supportive relationship.

As for me, in the previous few years of our marriage, I’ve taken to the behavior of confiding in my husband each time I really feel depressed and asking for assist in discovering that swap in my mind that makes me pleased once more. That swap has been completely different for every scenario, typically simple, typically very troublesome to search out, however we’ve all the time ended up discovering it.

If you end up in a difficult scenario, yow will discover your swap or pleased button by your self, along with your companion or with the assistance of a therapist.

To discover a therapist close to you see the Psychology Immediately Remedy Listing.

Copyright 2023 @Chris Gilbert, MD, PhD